RRRIIINNNGGG! RRRRIIIIINNNNGGG!

The high pitched ring of Mulder's cell phone jerked Mulder awake from his place on the carpet, asleep on the coffee table in front of his couch/bed. He found himself at his coffee table face down in a pile of file folders and in a puddle of drool. Mulder fumbled blindly for his cell phone as each ring stabbed at his forehead. He knocked over an ash tray full of sunflower seed shells but didn't notice. All he cared about at that moment was stopping that high pitched ring. At long last, he located the phone under a pile of National Enquirers. He quickly pushed the recieve button to answer the call.

"Hello-" his voice was cracking and almost unaudible; Mulder cleared his throat loudly and tried again. "Yeah?" He leaned back against the bottom of the couch and rubbed the bridge of his nose, the part that brought his nose and forehead together, just between his eyes.

"Mulder, it's me. Where are you?" It was Scully, she was the only one that identified herself that way on the phone.

Where was he? Good question. Mulder had to think about that for a minute. He wakes up in wierd places all the time. He quickly darted his eyes around the room to reassure himself.

"I'm at home Scully, where are you---Uhshooo!" Suddenly a forceful sneeze took the end of Mulder's response by surprise, and immediatly started his nose running. He sniffed hard, and then coughed. He shut his eyes to stop the pain in his head from getting worse from the morning light.

"Me?" Scully laughed. "Funny you should ask Mulder. I'm at our office, you know, the FBI HQ. Where you should've arrived 3 hours ago."

Mulder's eyes bulged open and he darted up from his slouching position on the floor. He looked at his watch. 10:08 a.m.

"Ehshooooo!" His head shot forward at the force of the second sneeze.

"Mulder," Scully started. "Are you alright?"

"Ehsshhht!" Was all Scully heard as a reply. Mulder located a crumpled up napkin underneath the coffee table and had just rushed it to his nose when he sneezed again. "Huhchoooo! *sniff*" Scully then heard a loud honk as Mulder blew his nose with much care as not to miss the almost unusable napkin. He bent his head back towards the ceiling to bring relief from this sudden onset of nasal discharge. He breathed hard from his mouth, which Scully heard on the phone.

"Mulder?" she demanded an answer.

"Truthfully Scully," he said in a nasal tone. "I think I may be dying."

"Oh really?" Scully replied, rolling her eyes, she didnt have time to play games. Mulder coughed again as he tried to dig up something else to blow his nose on.

"You can have my 'I want to believe' poster. I willed it to you." Mulder added between fits of coughing.

"You sound pretty congested, Mulder. I think you may have an upper respiratory infection." Scully said.

Mulder stood up only to discover that doing so created much pain and dizziness, he plopped down on the couch, and shivered at the cold leather.

"I think I might have to sit this one out Scully." He said running a hand under his red nose.

"Seeing as you've already missed half the day..." Scully said in mock disapproval. "Drink plenty of clear liquids and I'll tell Skinner the bad news."

"I owe you one." Mulder said sheepishly.

"You owe me more than one." Scully smirked. Mulder did too, but his facial expression soon was taken hostage by a sneeze.

"Eh--Eh---EHCHOOOOO!" Mulder sniffed loud and wet. He groaned.

"And keep warm, I don't feel like visiting you in the hospital again! Don't go getting pneumonia." Scully warned.

"Thanks partner." Mulder laughed at Scully's concern, and his corny response. He turned off the phone and stood up. After swaying a bit he regained his composure. Mulder grabbed a blanket that was thrown on the corner of the couch and wrapped it around him. He headed for the bathroom to see what relief his medicine chest had in store for him.

He flipped on he light and winced at the harsh flourescent bulb. He coughed out the tickle in his throat as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He looked pathetic, and the crappy light didn't help. He looked flushed and his nose was red and completely stuffed up. His eyes were puffy and his mouth gaped open so he could breathe. He was just about to groan at the situation he was in and when he sneezed again, making him even more frustrated and depressed. "EHSHOOOO!"

Mulder sighed and opened the medicine cabinet. Discovering all he had was a tube of Neosporin and some Q Tips, he whimpered. He shuffled, dragging his bare feet on the carpet until he got to the kitchen, and opened the refrigerator.

"Aha! Orange Juice." Mulder said to himself in a triumphant tone. He went to the sink and leaned against the counter as he guzzled it down right from the carton. Suddenly he paused with a mouthful and looked at the expiration date: 07 12 94. He screamed as well as he could with a mouthful of rancid orange juice and promptly sprayed it all over the sink, the counter, and the kitchen window, followed by a few coughs and "Eugh!" noises.

12:20 p.m. FBI Headquarters, Washington D.C.

Scully's shoes clacked down the long hallway leading to Skinner's office. She wrung her hands trying to think of what to say to Skinner about Mulder's absense. Skinner frowned on sickdays. His agents had to be practically inhuman. Mulder had been doing pretty good up until then living up to that category. She finally approached his office and went up to the secretary.

"I need to see A.D. Skinner." Scully said, trying to sound sure of herself.

"Go right in Agent Scully." said the secretery pleasantly.

Scully entered Skinner's office and stood in the doorway. Skinner sat at his desk rubbing his eyes. He didn't notice her until Scully loudly cleared her throat to get his attention.

"Oh, Agent Scully, I didn't hear you come in." Skinner said, he was broken from his trance. Scully noticed he sounded kind of funny, like Mulder had earlier that morning. "Sit down."

Scully took a seat in front of Skinner's desk. "Sir, I came here to let you know that Agent Mulder was feeling a bit under the weather and has decided to spend the day at home to recooperate."

"I know how he feels. Uh uh uhhhhsshhoooo!" Skinner sneezed into a hankerchief and blew his nose. He cleared his throat. "Well I'm glad you made it to work today Agent Scully, is there anything else?" Skinner was cranky today, nothing new.

"I guess not sir, I hope you're not coming down with something? Are you?" Scully asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ehhshhhht!" Skinner blew his nose again. "Agent Scully if I want a diagnosis I'll ask for it, you can get back to your cases now." He coughed.

"Yes sir." Scully quickly got up and left the office. As she closed to door behind her she heard Skinner sneeze again. She smiled and shook her head. "Men."

As she walked back to her office she dialed up Mulder on her cell phone.

RIIINNNG RIIINGGG!

Mulder was now in boxers, a t shirt and socks with a blanket around him. He was sitting on the couch watching TV with a glass of water and crumpled up tissues littering his lap and floor and coffee table, when he heard the phone ring. He located it under a pile of snotty tissues and answered it.

"Huhshoooo! *sniff* Mulder." The harshness of his voice surprised him.

"It's me, I was going to ask you how you were doing by the sound of it I'd guess you're not doing too good." Scully said, matter of factly.

"*cough* Eh, I'm doing ok, I was just exploring the wide world of daytime television. Guess what? Dakota's cheating on his girlfriend, but she doesn't mind, she's plotting to kill him. Eh ehh ehshooooo!"

"I'm glad you're not suffering too much. Did you take something for that awful stuffy nose?" Scully asked as she sat down behind her desk.

"I would if I had anything. I'm just relying on the manual method." Mulder blew his nose loud into the phone.

Scully took the phone away from her ear until the loud honk subsided. "I just went to tell Skinner you're sick and he had a hard time paying attention."

"*cough* How come?" Mulder asked curiously.

"He's sick too, I think. I went in to talk to him and he sounds worse than you do." Scully swirled in her office chair childishly.

"Is that possible? EHChooooo!" Mulder's sneezes began to get wetter and deeper as he got more and more stuffed up.

"Mulder I hate to say this, but I'm bored." Scully said sheepishly.

"Miss me already, do ya?" Mulder laughed. "If you're not doing anything later-ehh ehh ehh" Mulder squeezed his eyes together as he was caught in sneeze limbo.

"Yes?" Scully said eagerly.

"Ehshoooooo! *sniff* Coud you go to da store ad ged be sub code medicine ad sub tithews?" Mulder said stuffily.

Scully sighed and looked at her shoes. "Sure, I've got a couple things to finish here and then I'll be by, ok?"

"Thangs agaid *sniff*" Mulder said, the same napkin to his nose.

Mulder beeped the phone off and settled back into the couch to catch up on the soap he was immersing himself into.

Scully picked up some cold pills and tissues like Mulder has asked. She was always a sucker for people who were suffering. Must be why she became a doctor, she thought, she just wanted to make people feel better, solve problems. She got to the check out counter and put the stuff down.

"Do you have any National Enquirers?" Scully asked the disenchanted check out boy. That would definetely make Mulder feel better, some potential cases.

Scully walked down the hall to Mulder's door. She knocked and waited for him to answer. No answer. She knocked again. Nothing. She got worried. She checked the doorknob, the door was unlocked. Scully thought of drawing her gun as she entered Mulder's apartment, but she calmed herself down. Not everything was an x file, she thought.

"Mulder?" Scully called his name as she entered. She wandered into the living room to find him asleep on the couch. She laughed when she saw him. He was sprawled out on the couch, hair sticking straight up, and half a tissue stuck up his left nostril. The other half of tissue sticking out of his nose moved as he breathed through his mouth, slowly and steadily. She bent down beside his ear and whispered. "Mulder, Mulder. I brought the medicine." Mulder sniffed and mumbled something, then he rolled over so that he faced her. Scully ruffled Mulder's hair and smiled. She opened the box of tissues and placed one in his hand. She covered him up with the blanket that had fell on the floor as he slept. Scully put the cold medicine and the rest of the tissues on the table beside him. She went to the door, opened it and turned around. "Bye Mulder. Feel better." She whispered, and shut the door behind her. As she walked down the hall she heard "Ehshoooooooo!" She smiled and shook her head. "Men."