The Job Interview Jeri squinted in the morning sun as she sat at the bus stop, waiting for the bus that would take her to work. The street was nearly empty of other pedestrians, and only one other person, a man in a suit, sat at the stop with her, although she stood under the shelter and he sat on the bench, so she couldn't see him. Though she liked people, she was always a little cranky in the morning and preferred to avoid small talk if possible. After a few moments, a young man, also in a suit, walked past the shelter. She caught just a glimpse of sandy brown hair and pleasant-looking features, and he carried a briefcase in one hand. He headed for the bench, and though she couldn't see them, she overheard the two men's conversation. "Hey, John. I don't see you out here in the morning much anymore," said one. "Yeah, well, I'm late today," said the other, John, whom Jeri assumed was the new arrival. They fell silent, and Jeri was bored again, waiting. Suddenly, and without warning, a sneeze came from the direction of the bench. "het-CHOOO!" "Bless you," said the first man. Jeri heard what sounded like an attempt to respond -- "Tha..." and then almost immediately, a second sneeze, even bigger than the first. "het-SHOOOOO!" "Bless you again!" said the first man. "Oh, man, not today..." said John. This was followed by a clicking sound, and Jeri, whose morning had just gotten significantly more interesting, sneaked a look around the shelter wall to see what it was. She was rewarded with the sight of John opening his briefcase and pulling out a handkerchief just in time to cover his nose and mouth and sneeze violently into it twice, muffling the sound slightly. "heh-MMssshh! heh-MMMMsssshhh! Oh god." "That doesn't sound good," the other guy said. "Tree pollid," John replied, then sniffed wetly. "I have a job idterview today, so I took sub bedicine, but it's bid really bad all week." Jeri thrilled to the sound of his voice, which had gotten instantly deeper and more congested. She ducked back inside the shelter to avoid revealing that she was watching, but she hoped there would be at least more conversation, if not more sneezing, soon. She was not disappointed. "Yeah, you already sound awful," the first man said, as John blew his nose. "I can't stop sneezing once I start," John replied, sounding genuinely worried. He sniffed once more, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded scratchy. "And today of all days..." He broke off, and there was silence for a few seconds. Jeri couldn't resist poking her head around the wall again to see what was happening. John sat frozen with the handkerchief poised in front of his face, his eyes fluttering closed in a kind of wince. Although she was too far away to hear him, she could see his chest rising and falling in little gasps as the sneeze became harder and harder to resist. Finally, his head reared back and then down as he gave in and sneezed, into the handkerchief but not muffled this time. "hey- ASHOOOO!" A bus trundled into view, and the other man, who was politely looking directly ahead of him and not at the suffering John, said "Good luck with that, man," as he stood and boarded it. "Seeya, Steve," John replied from the depths of his handkerchief. For once, Jeri silently thanked the terrible bus system that now left her and John alone together, so to speak. She didn't dare another look now, but wished she had as another sneeze quickly followed. "het-SHOOO!" A loud, wet sniff followed, then a faint groan that turned almost immediately into another full, equally wet sneeze. "Uhhh...huh...hey-ASHOO!" Jeri listened as the unseen John blew his nose again, although from the amount of sniffing afterward it didn't appear to have done much good. After this, there was silence for a while. Jeri chanced a quick look over, but John just sat there, handkerchief in hand, looking over a sheet of paper. She used the opportunity to scan the street, and saw another bus coming from way down the street. At that moment, John looked up from his reading, and said to nobody, his voice now husky and even more congested, "Oh god...here it cubs..." Jeri decided to keep watching, as it soon became clear that John was distracted by the sensations in his sinuses. He raised the handkerchief quickly and without any build-up, began sneezing repeatedly into it but not stifling the sound at all. "HET-choo -- HET-choo -- HAAA-choo -- HET-CHOO! -- HAA-SHOO! -- HAAA-CHOOO!" The sneezes became progressively louder, wetter, and more intense as he continued with only the space of a breath between each of them, tears squeezing out from his tightly closed eyes. "HAAT-choo! HAAT- sshhoo!" Jeri couldn't believe her luck, which subsequently changed for the worse as the bus pulled up, and it was the one she needed. She quickly boarded, hoping John wouldn't notice she'd been watching, but realized as he kept sneezing that he was in no condition to notice anything. She hoped, as she chose a seat by the window, that this wasn't his bus, but realized that he also was in no condition to board a bus at the moment. Before the bus pulled out, she was treated to a full-face view of John's terrible allergy attack, which had progressed to bigger sneezes but with more space between them. As the window was open, she could also hear his gasps for breath in between. "hey-ASHHHOOO! ah -- huh, huhhh...het- PSCHHHOOO! Hah...hahh...hah-ASHOOO!" As the bus pulled away, John finally opened his streaming eyes and wiped them, breathing hard. Jeri resisted the urge to turn around and keep staring as she left behind the most intriguing distraction she'd ever had on her way to work. * * * "And why do you think you'd be a good addition to the company?" Jeri asked for what seemed the thousandth time that day, although really it was only more like eight or nine. It was 4:00pm, and the long day of interviews would soon be over. The mousy young man frowned a little, considering the question. "Well..." As he thought, Jeri glanced down at the resume before her to remind herself of the man's name. Suddenly, the sound of a sneeze broke the silence: "hup-schooo!" It was very faint, and Jeri looked up, confused, thinking it had come from the man in front of her. But no, he was still formulating his answer. She realized it had come from the hallway outside, muffled by the closed door. "I think that --" the young man began earnestly, but it was as though a giant remote control had pushed "mute," for when Jeri heard the second sneeze, all her attention focused on the sounds coming from outside her office. She stared at the young man pleasantly and nodded encouragingly, while all she heard was the sneezing going on. "het-shoo! het-chooo! het- shmmmmff! het-shmmmmfff!" She could tell that the person had begun sneezing into a tissue or handkerchief as the sneezes became more muffled, but no less insistent. He (for she could tell it was a man) sneezed three or four more times, more slowly, and finally stopped just as the job prospect finished his speech, looking at her eagerly. There was nothing to say but "Thank you very much, we'll be letting people know in a week or so." The young man rose, shook her hand with an affecting grin, and left, closing the door behind him before she could catch a glimpse of who was outside. Jeri shuffled through the resumes in the folder on her desk, until the one she was hoping was there caught her eye: "John Tyler." She looked it over, and was very pleased to see that of all the candidates, he was clearly the best qualified. There were a lot of Johns, and a lot of people had allergies, so she crossed her fingers as she tapped the intercom. "Please send in John Tyler." In a moment, the door opened, and there he was. She could see instantly that it had been a tough day for him: his eyes were puffy and watery, and his nose red and uncomfortable-looking, although he did his best to keep a bright smile on his face despite the fact that he was obviously miserable. "Thanks for coming," she said, and he shook her hand with a strong grip. "Please take a seat." She sat behind the desk as he took the chair in front. As her back was momentarily turned, she heard him sniff several times very discreetly. "Are you familiar with our company?" she asked brightly, trying to focus on his blue, though reddened, eyes and not his sore-looking nose. "Yes, a little," he replied in a voice gone even hoarser and more congested than the morning. Jeri launched into her pre-rehearsed spiel about the company and the position he was applying for. After only moments, she became aware that he was apparently paying no more attention to her speech than she was. His eyes blinked rapidly and his lips twitched slightly, and shortly after that, his nostrils began flaring noticeably. She heard him give a few more quiet sniffs as he nodded, trying desperately to look as though he were enthralled by what she was saying, but she could also tell that his nose was too stuffed for it to help any. Eventually he raised a hand and pinched at his nose several times, trying for casual, and sniffed again. When she was done, she asked "Do you have any questions about that?" He looked slightly confused, but covered it well. "D-doh," he replied. "Have you spoken to the benefits person?" she asked. "Uh...dot yet," he said, and she nearly shivered at the sound of his stuffed- up voice. In a way she knew she was torturing him, and yet she found it hard to stop. She began another speech about, ironically, the health benefits of the job, once again hardly hearing herself as she watched him struggle with the building sneeze, almost feeling it herself. He opened his mouth slightly and tried breathing that way, as his fluttering nostrils would not let him do anything but sneeze if he kept trying to breathe through his nose. He nodded again, and brought up his hand to rub at his nose quickly, sniffing as he did so. She could tell that the look of concentration on his face had nothing to do with what she was telling him, and found herself wondering how long he could hold out. It didn't seem likely that it could be much longer, as his nose suddenly twitched violently and began to run. She pretended not to notice, focusing on his watering, blinking eyes. He rubbed at his nose again, sniffing very wetly and wincing a little. She finished her spiel and smiled warmly at him. "So," she said, for the first time that day looking forward to this moment with great anticipation. "Why do you think you'd be a good addition to the company?" A slightly panicky look crossed his face, which she read easily, but he gave a game attempt. "Well, I used to work at..." he began, before breaking off to exhale shakily, then inhale sharply as he started to lose the battle. He tried to disguise it by clearing his throat. "Sorry. I used to huhhh..." He exhaled again and gave a larger gasp that seemed to come from the pit of his stomach, but once again he set it aside. "Used to work at a cubpady that haaaahhh--" he started as quickly as possible, but ended in an unmistakable gasp as he had no choice but to give in. "Are you all right?" Jeri asked, trying to sound as concerned as possible. "Sorry -- excuse be-heehh --" he managed to choke out as he fumbled desperately in his pocket, holding his breath until he yanked the handkerchief out. He brought it to his face as he gave a deep, sharp gasp that sounded almost a scream, and sneezed powerfully into it: "HaaaaaAAAASHHOO!" The sound was open and not stifled at all, as he hadn't had time to bring the handkerchief all the way to his nose before he sneezed. Now that it was there, though, he began a series of short, muffled sneezes into it. "bbb-chooo -- bbb-chooo -- bbb-shooo -- bbb-shooo --" Each time his eyes squeezed closed and his head bobbed forward, then back again for a quick breath before sneezing again. "bbb-choooo -- bbb-shoooo...huh- bbbpsshhoooo!" The last one seemed to end the attack, although from the way he lifted his head, eyes tearing, nose running and nostrils still flaring, she could tell he wasn't finished yet. He tried for a smile. "I'b dot codtagious, it's -- " He stopped short, frozen in place, then without warning sneezed loudly into the handkerchief again. "hat-CHOOO!" He sniffed, rubbing his nose wearily. "It's just allergies. I'b so sorry, please go od." "Well, you were saying," Jeri replied, enjoying this interview more than she had any other in recent memory. "Oh yes. I used to...ahh...ahhgahh...ohhh --" This time he turned almost all the way away from Jeri, to her chagrin, as he sneezed four times into the handkerchief, not muffling them at all. She saw only his head go back and then down, and his shoulders rise up as he sneezed. "hat-CHOO! hey- ESHHOOO! hey-ESHHOO! hahh...hey-ASHHHOOO!" When he turned back, he looked exhausted. Although it killed her, compassion made her say "Maybe we should postpone this for another time." "Doh, please," he replied immediately, surprising her. "I really deed to..." His face crumpled in a combination "oh no, not more!" and pre-sneeze expression, and he could do no more but begin a series of quick, unsteady inhales as Jeri watched and listened in delight. "Ahh...huhhh...huh- huhhh...hehhh? Hehhh??" The moment seemed to last an eternity as he readied the handkerchief, but to both their annoyance, it seemed to fade away, leaving John even more congested and his nose even more runny. "I really deed to try for this job," he croaked. Even if she hadn't already made up her mind, Jeri thought that she'd have handed him the job on persistence alone. "I've already seen your --" she began, but was interrupted by a gasp from John as the sneeze returned in full force. "het-SHOOOSSHH," he sneezed, quickly pulling up the wrinkled handkerchief. He sat there in his post-sneeze position, hand over nose, eyes shut, barely seeming even to breathe, as Jeri watched, enthralled. Suddenly he inhaled sharply and sneezed again: "hat- CHOOOO!" He made a stab at blowing his nose, but it was too blocked to do any good, so he pulled the handkerchief away and looked at Jeri again with teary, beautiful eyes. "I'b sorry. You were sayig?" She smiled, and closed the folder of resumes. "I was saying that I don't think you have anything to worry about."