"OH!" Magenta shrieked, kicking her brother in the leg. "Can't any of you do anything without singing about it first?"

"You're just saying that 'cause you don't have a wonderful voice like Frankie does," came Columbia's voice from the back, full of adoration for Frank and less than contempt for Magenta now.

Frank rolled his eyes and groaned at Rif Raf's pitiful attempt at singing. "And you say *I've* been with the Earthlings too long. Look who's trying to use that old thing on me," he said with perfect character and form.

Magenta growled and raised her own gun.

However, before the gun could discharge, an angry and naive Rocky stormed the two, knocking them down fast enough for the struggle to turn finally in Frank's favor.

Suddenly the house shook, resting back into place, and in doing so, tilted back so slightly that it caused the great eiffel tower to come rolling down from the stage to the end of the auditorium, crushing Magenta and Riff Raff, but only injuring the tough, durable form of Rocky.

"Oh, Rocky!" Frank called out, his voice a strong and handsome whisper.

Rocky quickly hurried out to find someone to clean up the mess and remove the dead bodies that so lined the floor of the stage and auditorium.

Frank sniffed, brushing water from his dress, though it helped little for the tumble into the water had left him completely soaked and quite cold in the sweet Transsexual, Trannslyvania air. As his eyes, encircled with dark blue eye shadow, scanned the scene for damage, a light tickle developed in his nose, and as he wondered what the extent of damage was to the rest of his castle, he realized the damage he, himself had received. Though now very much alive and in true spirit, he could not ignore the fact that he ached in several unmentionable places and his throat was a little scratchy, even for him. The tickle began to build and his breathing began to slow. Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, came the rough and loud sound of a sneeze, "HA-HACHOO!" Causing Frank to nearly double in half as he sprayed into the air in front of him, covering his nose in surprise only when it was over, straightening up with an almost sassy recovery.

"Oh Frankie!" Columbia sighed, rushing to him, throwing her arms around him. "Are you all right?"

He answered, "Oh, of course I am," though he was already second- guessing himself. "Must be all this duhh... duhhh..." it built slowly but surely, "Dust... huh-CHOO!"

She kissed him. "Ooh! You're soaking wet and you're freezing!"

He sneered at her. "Funny, I feel as warm as always," breaking into a characteristic, red-lipped, elusive grin.

She giggled, finding a blanket and wrapping it around him. "Frankie-"

But she never had a chance to finish, for he sneezed again, and then again, and yet again. Deep, heavy sneezes, shaking him. He began to shiver and sniff without meaning to, his nose running a tad. Not wanting to show any of his misery to Columbia, he shoved her away. "Go drool over your posters," he grumbled, his dark eyes hiding so much pain. He let the blanket drop from his shoulders, falling to the ground in a mess of black silk and red lace just as he emitted yet another strong sneeze, "Huh... Hah-CHOOO!"

Columbia left, sulking, dropping the feathered boa from around her neck as she went.

Alone, Frankie pouted, going to the elevator to take it to his bedroom, which- for one of the first times ever- he would be sharing with no one. And as strong and confidently strange as he made himself out to be, there was no denying the fact that this man of 'little morals and some persuasion' was now coming down with a terrible cold.

With playful Mickey Mouse ears on and no one to giggle with now that Magenta was most certainly out of picture, she decided to turn on the television set and flip through rooms until she found Frank. It was an easy task; she located him at once, lying in his bed with the covers up over his head. "Aww... poor Frankie," she cooed, jumping out of her seat to sit closer to the tv. Indian-style, she sat, not in the skimpy black leather thong outfit she'd last been in but in loose blue and white- striped pjs. "Frankie's got a lit-tle co-ld," she sang to herself, wondering what she could do for him. As a groopie, it was- after all- her job. Decidedly, she popped up, switching off the blue glow of the monitor and racing up to his room.

The large lump she found under the covers was decisively Dr.Frank as he sniffled and sneezed miserably, hidden from sigh but not mind. Columbia giggled and lifted up the blankets enough to crawl under with him. Frank, giving a surprised but none-the-less pleased shriek, scrambled out from under the covers.

"Well *sniffle* hello, Columbia!" he exclaimed, having some idea of what she was there for.

"Heya, Frankie. How ya doin'?"

He sniffed. "I'm fine..." he sounded cross but, as his voice died away, out came a strong sneeze, "Har-CHOO!" and then a second, which he lifted his fist to his nose and mouth for, "Hap-achh-AHCHOOO!" He groaned, shivering a little.

"Frankie-baby's got a co-old," she sang in her cute, nasal voice.

"Yeeesss.... Yes, he does," Frank finally admitted to both Columbia and himself. His voice was as breathy as usual but sounded somewhat deeper and a bit more stuffy, making him sound sexier than ever. "And let me guess, you're going to... to... Hah-HACHOO! *sniff* sing about it?"

"Awww... if you want me to, Frankie."

He rolled his eyes yet again. "Anything."

She pulled off her pjs to reveal a tight gold-sequined dress, acessorized with black straps. She strapped on the face mask she'd worn earlier for the unveiling of Frank's "project", the one that made her look like a nurse- her dark eyes smiling over it, her lightly penciled-in eyebrows curved perfectly. The music began and she took her stance.

But before she could commence with the song, there was a knock on the door(taking the form of a clearly-heard ring of the doorbell).

"I'll get it!" Columbia shrieked happily, glad to do any service for Frank, hoping that perhaps he might show her that he still loved her...

"I'll get it!" Frank announced, getting up with a sniff and clearing his throat. "After all, it is..." letting himself pause, characteristically, "my house."

Frank lowered the elevator to the proper floor and went to the door with Columbia hanging anxiously off his shoulder.

Cautiously he opened it, only to find none other than Eddie.

"You're supposed to be dead!" Frank exclaimed as Eddie, swerved past him through the doorway on his motorcycle.

"You are, too!" Eddie said, smile broadening, eyes gleaming. "Hey, babe," he said, smiling at Columbia and holding one arm out to her. She rushed to him, sliding just behind him on the bike and wrapping her arms around his waist for security as he revved it up.

Frank stood, flabbergasted at her quick change in loyalty but was more than disgusted as his eyes fell upon Rocky, who gazed at the newcomer dreamily. "That's just *sniff* about enough of this!" he began, starting to storm over to Eddie, when he felt a large sneeze strike at him. He put his hand to his nose and mouth and quickly turned around. His eyes closed naturally, black eyebrows pointing down, nose wrinkling desperately as his nostrils flared. His head reared back as he gasped and finally let out a mighty, "Hah-ESHOO!" But as it came, the sneeze itself seemed to tickle his nose all the more and as soon as he had taken in a breath after, he realized he was in trouble. He didn't want Eddie to see him in the midst of a true sneezing fit, and certainly didn't want Rocky to see it; how was anyone to respect him when he was in such a condition? But his main concern was put on the back-burner as the sneezes began. "HetSHEOOO! Harshoo!" he lurched forward with each, his normally powerful form weakening with cold. He shivered as he leaned back for more, "Hah-Sheeo! Hupt-Choo! HarAHHHHSHEOOO! HaSHOO! HhhhehTCHOO!" Uncontrollably sneezing, Frank tried to get a hold of himself and continue with what he'd been trying to say, but it was already a lost cause. "I... ehhh.. HARASHOO! HetCHOO! wahh.. want- HEHTEHSHHOOOO! HARASHOO! Heh... HASHOO! Choo! Sheeoooo! HARASHOO!" He tried to sniff and took advantage of the pause to hold his nose closed. he felt the urge come and couldn't resist taking in a breath, "Heh- heh-HEH!" just before it climaxed, he felt it go. He sighed deeply and turned around with a sniff just in time to see Eddie and Columbia rush off on the bike. Columbia laughed as a door in the floor opened and they dropped with sudden speed straight down two floors to the basement torture room. Rocky frowned at Frank and gave him a hurt expression which attempted to give some sort of sympathy.

Frank turned around with a tiny groan to shut the front door when in the doorway, stood several other people. There were two men in short skirts and tightly fitting bodices, one wearing quite fashionable high heels. With them was a woman even more scantily dressed in a bright red, vynal, two-piece outfit.

"Hello Dr.Frankenfurter," the woman said, grinning mischievously. "Rif Raf and Magenta did warn us that you all would be returning. And of course in accordance to the bylines of the great Transylvania Charter, it is nearly time for your inspection."

Frank nodded, knowing that the rules for even visiting other planets was strict, let alone bring anything back from them. "I... " he suddenly felt a sneeze coming and knew that of all the awkward or embarrassing times he could think of to sneeze, this time it was imperative that he not. If the Committee saw that he were ill, that would be the end of all. He hoped his willpower would hold out. "I understand."

One of the men, with long, dangley earrings, nodded. "Good. You are scheduled to hold a party three days now in which you shall present yourself and all that you have acquired from this planet you have visited... er..."

"Earth," the other man put in with a helpful nod.

Frank nodded and rubbed his nose, feeling the urge build. "Riihhh... Right." In any language, on any planet, that amounted to no less than an extravagant party.

The woman eyed him suspiciously. "Are you--"

He didn't let her finish, his own face covering for it with a characteristically broad smile. "Just tired... if you know what I mean..." he winked with exaggeration to make his point known

They all nodded, understanding completely.

The first man held out his hand. "Well then, we shall all be stopping by to see you in three days time."

Frank shook it eagerly, his nose wrinkling terribly as he tried to last just a few more seconds. His breathing was deeper and it was almost impossible to control the gasps. "Th-Thank... Thank you."

The three departed and Frank tried his best to close the door with some grace before he fell back against it with a shiver and the sneeze that had been building for so long, "ARAHH-SHOOOO!" throwing him forward and bending him in half simply from the force. It echoed through the empty halls and rooms, making him sound and feel worse than it really was. He put his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed as he headed off to find the others and tell them there would be much cleaning and covering to be done if there were any hope of convincing the members of the Committee.

He located Rocky lying on his back on his mattress, palm trees and unlit candelabras surrounding. "Rocky!" he said, his voice harsh, a strong whisper.

Rocky perked up, sitting up to see Frank. He nodded.

"I want you to... " he stopped, his brown eyebrows furrowing, his face contorting helplessly. "Hehh... Hahh-Kah-Tchoo!" he sneezed freely again, feeling a second right behind. He gasped, a small intake of air the only thing separating the two sneezes, the second a much larger and just as powerful, "Harrrah-CHOOO!" He sniffed and rubbed his nose roughly to try to get rid of the remaining light tickle.

"Ungh?" Rocky grunted, acting a little concerned but not losing his manly demeanor. He stood up and stretched, at which Frank gave a small squeal.

He continued with a little difficulty. "I want *sniff* you to clean this whole place up. Make it like it was before, okay?"

Rocky nodded and hesitated to go.

"Go!" Frank whispered strongly, turning on his heels to leave, as well. The last thing he wanted to do while feeling like this was to watch over them until the party. He sneezed a few more times and looked around for tissues, which of course he did not have. He sniffed with some force and headed off to find Columbia and *shudder* Eddie.

After looking through the downstairs and east wing, he finally found them back in Columbia's room. Columbia sat on Eddie's lap, his arms around her, as she looked up at him dreamily, in fanatic admiration. Frank cringed and sniffed again, then cleared his voice as he captured their attention and prepared to speak.

"Oh, it's just Frankie," Columbia remarked to no one in particular, casting the visitor a cold look in exchange for the way he'd treated her Eddie.

Frank glared back at her, then moved his eyes towards Eddie, who gave him a false, rock-star-esq grin.

"I need you, Columbia," he realized what he'd just said and quickly added, "to make the place presentahh..." he felt another sneeze and instantly cupped a hand over his nose and mouth. "Hahh-TCHOO! Etchahh!" he sneezed, feeling all the weaker in their eyes for it but not caring at this point, because he was beginning to feel worse all around. His head pounded and he felt freezing cold and burning hot at the same time. He felt stuffy and congested and yet, at the same time, oddly light headed. He sniffed without much success. "To make the place presentable. We are to have a party in a few days."

Columbia giggled excitedly. "A party! Oh!" She nodded eagerly, understanding. "But Frankie... yer not feelin' well..."

He nodded, getting worse by the second. "I'b fide... hehh... uhhh... HAH-ITCHAHH! *sniff*"

Columbia thought of getting up and going to him but she was too secure with Eddie to move.

"Just do it, ok?" Columbia nodded and agreed again in her cute, nasal voice that she would. "Kay... I'b goig to bed," Frank finished, leaving her room and making it down the hall, up the elevator a floor, and back to his room just in time to collapse in bed with a small, helpless moan which was smothered by a series of firm coughs. He crawled under the covers, shivering and sniffling as he gently fell into a restful sleep.

He rolled over from on his stomach and sniffed to find that his head had at least stopped spinning, even though the rest of him ached doubly. "I was until just now. Whahh.. w-what d-d... ahhh... ahhhhh... ARASHOO!" he sneezed, though the force which shook his body helped him at least sit up. "What do you want... " his nose began to tickle more than ever and he placed a finger under his trembling nose as he attempted to finish. "What's wrong?"

Columbia hardly noticed. "Do you want the grandfather clock beside the stair case or is that huge totem pole supposed to go there?"

Frank, his dark eyes closing from the urge and weariness, attempted to answer. "I want the... the.... " he trailed off, wiggling his nose to keep from sneezing, rubbing his finger beneath, though that was beginning to hurt a little. "The..."

"The what?" she asked impatiently.

"The... HACHOO! Ahhh.. AGAH-CHEOO! AHCHOO!" he realized all was already lost and gave into the sneezes. "ACHEOO! AHCHOO! SHOO! HEE-SHEOO! CHEOOooo! HASHOO!" he took a deep breath and, gathering up some tissues he'd found earlier, blew his nose. Almost timidly, he whispered, "Put *cough* put the clock there and the other outside the kitch... kit-CHOOO! *sniff* the kitchen."

She nodded perkily. "Okay, Frankie!" and darted happily from the room in an almost-leap.

Frank groaned and fell back against the bed as he let out yet another sneeze, his nose running a little. "Hehh... *sniff* Hahr-HAE-TCHOO!" He blew his nose again and let his head fall back against the pillow, his eyes closed. He was asleep in a second.

Dr. Frankenfurter sighed and stifled the resulting cough as he pulled the covers down from over his head to see Rocky standing there. "What?" he asked, becoming annoyed. There was a tickle in his nose that he was aware of from the moment he awoke, but nothing remotely strong enough to make him sneeze, only tease him a little.

Rocky pointed to the hallway and grunted with a frown.

"What?" Frank repeated, standing, pulling the blanket with him as he went, shivering slightly.

Rocky continued to point and Frank sighed again, going to the main hall to find Columbia standing on Eddie's shoulders as she attempted to hang a large disco ball from the ceiling. "Heya Frank- ooh!" she exclaimed halfway through the greeting as Eddie began to chuckle and it set her off balance a moment. "Eddie-honey!"

He laughed, tickling her feet and ankles, causing her to lose her balance completely and fall, though Eddie caught her in his arms before she fell. They both laughed, and Columbia was lowered to the ground safely, still holding the ball tightly.

Frank cringed at the cute scene which was enough to even make a well person sick to his or her stomach.

"Frankie, you want us to put up the strobe lights, too?"

Tilting his head to the side, he raised one eyebrow. "You got *sniff* me up to ask me that?"

She nodded with a squeal. "Yep!"

Frank rolled his eyes. "Yes *sniff* put them up." His body stiffened and muscles tightened. He felt stuffy, ready to sneeze but it was stuck. "Hehhah..." he tried to draw it out, the sensation starting to bug him, but to no avail. "Is that all this time?"

Columbia nodded, a cute, thoughtful expression on her neatly made-up face. "Oh, wait, Frankie. Eddie and I have been workin' on a little dance number to show at the party. Want us ta show ya?"

She looked so excited that there was no way he could handle such excitement at the moment. 'Pity,' he thought to himself, 'I could do for a good laugh just about now.' He face scrunched and he held his hand up in front of his face, waiting a moment. "Harhh... Ehhh..." and the feeling left again. "Ug!" he exclaimed, knowing he must look odd, but not caring anymore at all. "No, I don't want to see it." He turned and left. Though at the doorway he paused, putting a hand out to steady himself in the doorjamb, as the sneeze finally came. "HAAHHSHHIISHHH!" his loudest and fullest yet, seeming as if it had nearly spilled from him easily rather than taken his time, racking his body helplessly the whole time from it.

He crawled back into his bed, flannel sheets enveloping him completely. His body finally relaxed, and he fell back into an even deeper sleep than before.

Rocky spotted him and patted Columbia, who was wearing a flashy gold sequined out fit as she drilled a large hole in the floor, on the shoulder to alert her of the fact.

Turning off the jackhammer and letting Eddie continue splitting wood with the chainsaw, she went over to Frank. She smiled sweetly and opened her mouth to explain when he held up his hand. With what was left of his voice, he shouted first, "Never mind! I don't *sniff* think I want to know!" He stormed back to his room when he realized that, if he was going to get no sleep at all anyway, he might as well spend his time in a place where it wasn't quite as loud. With their constant pestering and noise, it was a difficult choice, but he figured that the tower might be his best bet. All he knew was that, as much as he simply hated being alone, he could find no other alternative. He passed by his room and headed straight for the hidden staircase behind the elevator.

Frank heard the elevator roar but kept his eyes concentrated on the tiny blue, white and green dot off in the distance. The one he longed to see and yet... wanted to see the least, got off, stepping into the small tower and taking a seat beside Frank.

"Frankie... Hey, Frankie, ya okay?"

He nodded, shivering. He replied with a cold and congested- sounding, "Fide, Colubbia."

Taking off the red velvet cape she wore, she gently draped it around his shoulders. "Ya know, you could ask fer help."

He shook his head, holding his hand up in front of his face. His expression faded and blue-eye shadowed eyes fell. "Hitch--Huh-- Harrhh-HACHOOO!" he sneezed, bending forward. He rubbed his hand roughly under his nose and glared at his companion. "Yeah *sniff* right." He shivered again and drew the cape more tightly around him. His face fell again, mouth opening slackly as the feeling passed through him again. "Hehh," with each, his face contorted, drawing back, getting tighter, feeling it stronger. "Agahh--Ehhhehhh... Hitcha-Hehh- HARSHOO!"

She giggled. "Ya sound so funny when you sneeze, Frankie!"

Shooting her a look of distress and intolerance, he sniffled and rubbed his nose, turning back to look out the tower window.

"Frankie-baby?"

For the first time in his life he realized he would have preferred actually being alone for an eternity compared to her annoying pestering. He stood, with intent to go, when the powerful feeling hit him again. Helplessly, he submitted, letting it come, not bothering to cover his mouth this time. "Hitch-Heh-Ahck-HUH-HARRAHCHOO!" He bent forward, nearly off balance, reaching out to the wall to steady himself. "Harrrraahhahhh-SHEEOO!" he sneezed again, not quite as loud but just as powerful as the one previous. And a third quickly following, his face handsomely scrunching, nose twitching, "Arrahhhhhh... Ehhh-Heh- HAETCH-HAAAAARAHCHOO!" With a finish comparable to all his other impressive finales.

He opened his tear-filled eyes to see Columbia's worried face. Dismissing all based on her visible obsession with Eddie, he backed into the elevator, leaning on the metal-caged walls for support, and tried to uphold a dignified stance as it lowered, leaving Columbia alone in the tower... and Frank finally, utterly alone.

Audience members shout out, "What plot?"

Continuing in his boring, informative manner, "Right, well. Frankenfurter made a full recovery and a day later, his loneliness was squelched as his house filled nearly completely with guest from all around the planet, eager to hear of his tales on Earth and see what he'd brought back to show off for the committee."

"Yes... isn't he?" Frank replied with a sly, mischievous grin.

Another man piped up, dressed in a blue, sequined evening gown, "Nice work, Doctor. You've passed inspection."

Frank's grin widened. "Great."

"Not that you doubted, right, Doctor?" yet another member ask, joking with him.

"Oh," with poise and knowledgeable ease, Frank quickly recovered, "Of course not."

And in the midst of the joyous occasion, Frank found that first and foremost on his mind was the thought of Columbia. He looked around, the room, expecting to see her there beside Eddie, who had been hailed by other Transylvanians as the perfect Earthling specimen- all praising Dr.Frankenfurter on his ingenuity on thinking to bring one so perfect back with him. Rocky was demonstrating his muscular skills by straddling and maneuvering about the horse, the gymnastic equipment Frank had given him on his birthday. All eyes watched his perfect, handsome form: rippling muscles, platinum blond hair waving, bronze skin gleaming with sweat. And though Frank felt he should storm over, enraged at the biker, or go gawk and drool over his creation, somehow all he could manage to do was think of Columbia. However, as he scanned the room from where he stood, leaning on the railing of the ramp, overlooking the lab, she was nowhere at all to be found. On impulse, he excused himself from the members and took off for her room.

He heard her sneeze before he had as much as entered and found her curled up in a ball on a bean bag chair, rubbing her nose like a little girl. Her nose was slightly red, her cheeks flushed, and her whole face wearing a hurt, almost rejected look on it. She was dressed in over-sized pjs with a mickey mouse hat slightly askew on her head. She perked up to see Frank, but not too much to remember what had transpired between them the last time. "heh... hetch-EE-oo! *sniff* Heya Frankie," she cooed softly, unable to do much more, though she wanted to.

He nodded, taking a blanket from the nearest bed as he approached her. He saw the pain in her twinkling eyes, the discomfort he, himself had been through, the need to know that someone was there for her. And though she'd driven him crazy, and this was the best retaliation he could possibly imagine, he still had empathy for her. "Did I give you my cold?" he asked, still not sure if he felt that was a good or bad thing.

She shuddered with sudden chill, nodding affirmatively. Then she sneezed again, lightly, daintily, with a tiny squeak in the middle, "atch- EE-oo!" Covering her nose from slight embarrassment, she nodded. She hated to be anything but her best when she was around Frank.

He pulled a tissue out from his black, leather, halter top and handed it to her; She sniffed, smiling as she took it.

Then Frank gently covered her with the blanket and sat down beside her, remarking to himself at how cute she looked when she was ill. And as annoyed as he had been by her ways, he strangely felt some attraction to her that made him want to stay with her so she wouldn't be alone through this.

"Sit... ehh... hitch-EE-oo! *sniff* with me a while, will ya Frankie?" she asked.

Without even thinking it over, he answered, "Sure."

"Thanks," she said softly, closing her eyes with a tiny sniffle.

He nodded, smiling down at her. "Feel Better, Columbia."