Male Stories The Ideal Episode Mulder blinked his eyes a few times and inhaled gently through his half-open mouth, trying not to disturb the sneeze that was tickling his nose. Having already sneezed twice, his handkerchief was hovering near his chest, not sure whether he would sneeze again or whether the sensation would pass. After a moment, with mild disappointment, he felt the sneeze begin to disappear. He sighed and leaned back in his desk chair, leaving the handkerchief on his thigh for the time being. He looked at the gigantic stacks of paperwork on his desk in dismay, and pulled open his top desk drawer. Rummaging around inside, he finally pulled out a small bottle of Tylenol, and swallowed three without water for the ache that was consuming his body. He rubbed his temples and tried to clear his ears, but he was too congested. Just then, he felt the aborted sneeze begin to creep back into his nose, and he held the handkerchief in front of his face, mouth slack, nose twitching, and eyes watering. There was a quick knock at the door, and before he could think, Scully had entered his office. He forgot about his sneeze for a moment when he saw the look on her face. She carried a large file, which she dropped on his desk. "Mulder, you're not going to believe this. We've got to go on assignment-- tonight." Mulder's sneeze chose this moment to explode in full force, leaving him feeling as if a small bomb had just gone off in his head. "Ah... Ah... AH-CHOOOOOOOOOOO!" The release was powerful, and he let its momentum die out naturally, dropping in pitch, as the pressure in his head gradually returned to normal. He felt miserable, but he never admitted to being sick, and this time wasn't an exception. "On assignment?" He sniffed. "Where?" "Vermont. You look awful." She changed beats with ease, partner to friend. "I'm fine." He dismissed her comment with a wave of his hand, noting with dismay the energy it took just to move his arm. "Mulder, you don't look fine, and you sound even worse. Are you sick?" "No. It's just a little dusty in here, that's all." She looked at him oddly for a moment, but not wanting to get into an argument, she let it go. "If you say so. We have to leave for Vermont by 6:00 tonight. Go home and pack for a week and I'll pick you up at your place at quarter til." She turned briskly and opened the door. "Oh yeah, and pack warm clothes-- we're going to be camping." The door shut and she was gone. "Great," said Mulder to himself. "A week in the woods." Suddenly, another sneeze caught him by surprise. He sneezed three times in quick succession, eyes closing and head bobbing forward at the force. "Just great." "Ah... Ah... Ahhh... CHOOO!!!" Mulder sneezed into his handkerchief, and leaned his head back against the seat rest, exhausted from having to sneeze roughly every twenty seconds for the past ten minutes. "Are we almost there?" he asked, knowing he sounded just as miserable as he felt, but lacking the strength to care. "Yes, we're getting close, but Mulder, you should have told someone you were sick! The last thing you need is to be camping in Vermont in the middle of October. You sound like you're getting worse. When did this start?" He knew if he lied, she'd be able to tell. "This morning." He coughed weakly. "This morning?! And it's this bad already? Mulder, you've got the flu! You should be at home, in bed." Scully steered the car onto the shoulder of the small deserted road, and turned off the engine. She got her cellular phone out of her bag and began dialing. Mulder grabbed her arm. "Who are you calling?" "Skinner. I'm telling him you're too sick to work. We'll find a motel and drive home tomorrow." "No. Don't. I'll be fine." "You are not fine! You have the flu! I don't want to get sick, too, you know." He grabbed the phone from her hand and slipped it down between his seat and the door. "I do not have the flu, and I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. We'd better keep going-- it's getting late." She looked at him, utterly exasperated, and finally started the car. She knew it was no use arguing with him. When he got something in his mind, there was no stopping him. Before long he was asleep, snoring softly, and Scully pulled into a small deserted-looking motel. "Jeez, isn't there any heat in this place?" Mulder sat shivering on the edge of one of the two beds as Scully carried their bags in from the car. She shut the door behind her with her foot, and went into the bathroom, closing the door only partway. "Why, are you cold?" "Yes, it's freezing in here." "That's probably because you have a fever," she said, as she came out of the bathroom shaking a thermometer. "Dana Scully-- where on earth did you find that?" "First aid kit-- under the sink. Just like the woman at the desk said. I just want to take your temperature. Stop being a baby." "Where are you going to take it, nurse?" Despite, or maybe because of his illness, he was being playful in that charming way of his that always turned Scully on. His obvious discomfort made it all the more enjoyable. She wanted to take care of him, in so many ways. "Open your mouth, you big baby." She slid the thermometer under his tongue and sat down next to him on the bed. She felt his forehead, and was not surprised to find it hot to the touch. His skin was pale and clammy, yet flushed in certain places which told Scully his fever was more than mild. After a moment, his nose began to twitch, as another sneeze began to form. He tried to hide it, but Scully saw right away. "Mulder, don't sneeze with the thermometer in your mouth. You might bite down on it and break it." He rubbed at his nose with his finger, but the tickle only grew stronger. "Just another thirty seconds. Hold on." He reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, but couldn't find it. He waved at a box of Kleenex on the nightstand. "Han me a tithew," he said, around the thermometer and the buliding sneeze. Scully grabbed a tissue from the box and tried to exchange it for the thermometer. As she took it from his mouth, he didn't even have time to take the tissue from her. He sneezed into the tissue, still in her hand, his loudest one yet. "HAHHHH-CHOOOO!" "Bless you," Scully said, with a look of concern on her face. Mulder sniffed sheepishly, and reached for the box of tissues, knowing another sneeze was not far behind the last one. "One hundred two point six. Mulder, you're sick. The thermometer doesn't lie." "Scully, have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" "You're delirious." She smiled. "But thank you." Mulder didn't complain as Scully helped him under the covers with his clothes still on. She could feel the heat his body was emitting through the fabric, and she knew he was sicker than he let on. He would probably be worse in the morning, and it might not even be a good idea for him to be traveling, even home. He sneezed a few more times, too delirious with fever to even remember to grab a Kleenex, and Scully found she was very turned on by the entire process. She saw the way his face registered the sensation, as it started in the back of his nose. A wrinkling of the nose, perhaps a narrowing of the eyes, and his mouth would open in anticipation. Scully found herself watching intently, and felt a throbbing in her crotch, which grew stronger with each new sneeze. Scully had never known that sneezing could have this effect on her. She had always thought of it a normal, necessary bodily function, but this was much more than that. She had to cross her legs to ease the aching that was growing as Mulder fought with an unwilling sneeze. "Ahhhh... Ahhh..." He began to inhale slightly, trying not to move, so as not to disturb the sneeze. Scully seized the opportunity. "Are you going to sneeze again, Mulder?" He started to nod, then decided that wouldn't be a good idea. "Is it a really big sneeze?" He just stared at her, with wide fever-dazed eyes. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and as she saw the sneeze about to climax, she placed a finger gently but firmly under his nose. Still holding her finger there, she said, "Mulder, your sneezing really turns me on. Do you think you could do it for me, in an even sexier way?" Even in his fever, Mulder grew excited at the thought of finally being with Scully, and he smiled weakly. "Good. I'll take that as a yes. Now, don't sneeze until I tell you to." Removing her finger from under her nose, Scully drew back the blankets and lowered Mulder's pants. This she did using only her teeth, so that by the time she had them past his knees, his penis was erect, and his sneeze was almost unbearable. Scully climbed gently atop him, sliding him into her slick wet snatch as she sat straddling his body, so she could see his face as he sneezed. When she had teased them both by rocking her hips gently but voluptuously a few times, she said, "Okay. Sneeze for me, Mulder." "Uhh... Ahhh.... Hehhh..." She could see that he was trying to draw it out, and her crotch throbbed in anticipation. Suddenly he burst forth with a mighty, shattering sneeze. "Ahhh... HAHHHHH-CHOOOO!" The force of his sneeze caused him to thrust himself deep into her, and the two came at the same time with explosive orgasms. As Scully's crotch tightened around Mulder's pulsating organ, she let out a moan of delight. "Scully, I think.... I think I feel.... I feel anoth--" He broke off suddenly as the force of another sneeze came over him. This time he took in short quick breaths. "Huh.. Huh.. HUH-CHOOO!" The stress this sneeze was on the Huh, and was followed by several more, so that Scully had multiple orgasms, and was soon screaming in delight. She used her hair to enhance Mulder's sneezing, tickling his face with it whenever he seemed to experience a lull in his sneezing. Every time he sneezed, she would clamp her legs together to enhance the pressure inside her, and Mulder came again and again, never growing limp in between sneezes. It was well into the night when Mulder's sneezes finally subsided, and as he lay, exhausted, and already asleep, Scully slid gently off him, and lay beside him on the small bed. The heat from his body was almost too much, but she lay with him all night, still having orgasms when she pictured him sneezing.